What's Your Relational Stress Style

Over 20 years working with people in stress  ....

I've seen two types of regret: People try to "please" others too much and eventually find themselves burnt-out or frustrated ... or they focus on "persuading" too much and find that they've created distance with someone, when they'd hoped to actually connect with them.

The quiz below can help you gauge your relational stress style. 

👇 Read below and count up how many  GREEN statements and/or  BLUE statements resonate for you? 👇

1. Saying "No"?

When you sense conflict or feel pressure to agree with something, it's difficult for to say "no." You often doubt yourself when you do.

In stressful interactions, you sometimes have a difficult time accepting that someone doesn't see you point of view.

2. Making Decisions?

You delay or doubt yourself when making decisions that involve other people, because you really don't want to disappoint anyone, or make the "wrong" decision.

You don't usually have a problem making decisions. But you can get bogged down in debates or arguing, if others don't agree with your view or perspective. 

3. Common feeling in stressful interactions?

Sometimes you feel sort of invisible ... in  certain relationships or in certain moments.

You may struggle to have patience in disagreements or arguments. When you have an opinion, it's a strong one.

4. Common regret after tough conversations?

You usually try to keep the peace, but this can leave you tolerating decisions or situations that irritate you later. You may wish for more confidence to speak up or share your opinion at times.

In the moment, You have no problem speaking your mind. But sometimes you get too worked up or say things in a way that sounds more harsh than you intended.

What's your Relational Stress Style?

Option 1

More GREEN statements: 

The pattern of "puddling" can happen when you feel obliged to "match" what other people want or expect. It may not be a conscious thought you've had. But that is the premise behind "pleasing mode" or hoping "not to disappoint" anyone.

Option 2

More BLUE statements:

 "Freezing" can happen when you unconsciously feel driven to get other people to "match" what you believe is best. It's not wrong to have opinions. But we can "freeze into rigidity" about our opinion, when we get stuck in "persuading mode" and persist in unproductive conflict.

Option 3

Puddling & Freezing

You may fall into both "puddling" or "freezing" depending on the context or type of relationship. For example, you may puddle at work, striving to say "yes" without limit.. But you might freeze into rigidity about personal decisions, or ways of doing things at home, after a long work day.

Untangle Yourself from Relational Stress

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Videos lessons
PDF Tip Sheet: 
"20 Tips to Stop Relational Stress" (printable)
PDF Infographic: 
"Puddling and Freezing
 - What's Really Going On" (printable)